Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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