sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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