no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
