i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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