just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
