I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
