Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
