I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
