just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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