i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
