Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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