I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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