How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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