Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
