Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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