Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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