I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
worst night to have a conscience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
