The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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