it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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