Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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