Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
