I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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