i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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