Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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