i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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