If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
