On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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