i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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