evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
