your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
