just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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