I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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