R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
