Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
