Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
