i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
