I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
