my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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