he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
