idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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