Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
