if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
