Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did i walk over a car last night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
