I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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