Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
