I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
