I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
