i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
