How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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