I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm having to shit out rocks
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