Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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