Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
