4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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